Self-Taught Woman

This one is going to be long, so get comfortable guys and gals.

I'm not much of a feminist-not in the puritan sense of the word. I often laugh uncontrollably at sexist jokes, dance to sexist music that gives detailed directions on how to further objectify your body (albeit in jest), and use sexist language, all this after years of compulsory and independent study on and around the subjects of gender roles, feminism, post feminism and other forms of prejudice. For those who willingly admit it, I'm the worst kind of woman-A BLACK WOMAN. Not only is my skin against me, my choice of reproductive organs have also joined the coup. Thankfully I couldn't care less. After all I think like a genius, look like a goddess and have the firm handshake of a...of a...man?

I wasn't brought up with a superfluity of men in my life; I was raised by strong women. And although I learnt from their strengths and weaknesses, I was never told what kind of woman to be. All that was self taught over years of watching many such strong women up close and some times from afar. So imagine my surprise and disappointment when I realised how much I had become a product of society. Bye bye girl power. Hello self-doubt.

Over the last few weeks I subconsciously started re-learning what it means to be a strong willed, self-taught woman. It started with God. My Pastor briefly mentioned a plan that would help you read the books of Psalms and Proverbs over the period of a month. As I decided to start the journey, I remember getting excited about Proverbs 31. Now for many Christian women Proverbs 31 is the go-to chapter when in doubt about anything from your role and identity to your faith and independence. Undoubtedly many non-Christians will take this time to remind me of the sexist nature of the Bible. To them I present this:

"She looks at land and buys it, and with money she has earned she plants a vineyard" 

Proverbs 31: 16

"She spins her own thread and weaves her own cloth" 

Proverbs 31: 19

"She makes clothes and belts, and sells them to merchants. She is strong and respected and not afraid of the future. She speaks with a gentle wisdom."

Proverbs 31: 24-26

Of course we could nit pick about a million and one things surrounding this, but this is my little way of showing you that contrary to popular belief the Bible did in fact cater to women, despite the circumstances of the times in which it was writing about, written and published. But I digress...

In anticipation of reading this chapter I was unusually alert about gender equality especially in the Bible and in the Church. So of course my ears stood on end when the subject of the submissive wife was approached. I could hear the many chants of the modern feminist but I chose to keep an open mind. The Pastor's  wife who spoke briefly on her active understanding of the role of a submissive wife, said many things that I took away with me that day. But what stuck the most was the most simple of truths. The meaning of the word "submissive" like many other words in our lexicon today, has shifted drastically. Of course I couldn't verify on the spot, but my mind returned to a musty A-Level's English Language classroom with a man that looked well beyond his years teaching us the many ways in which words lose and gain meaning, both negative and positive, over time. 

Fast forward a month, and I'm flicking through my copy of The New English Dictionary published in 1932, when I decided to look up the meaning of submissive. After my initial excitement I compared the meaning to that of the eight edition of the Little Oxford English Dictionary published in 2002. Admittedly 70 years didn't make as much of a difference as I thought it would and a quick Google search showed me that the first acknowledged and complete translation of the Bible into English happened a good 500 years before my 1932 dictionary. Nevertheless my findings excited me. There is more than one definition in both dictionaries but I'll stick to the ones that are of interest to us.

1932

Submit: To yield or surrender oneself; to put forward deferentially; to yield, to surrender, to give in.

Submission: Compliance. Obedience. Resignation. Meekness.

2002

Submit: To give in to the authority, control, or greater strength of someone or something. Subject to a particular process. 

Submissive: Very obedient or passive.

First I think it is worth noting that the language changed enough in those 70 years that submission is only defined in terms of handing in work in the 2002 dictionary. Now to the main gist of it all. Whereas in 1932 submission is seen as a willing act of respect and the choice of humility, it seems that today it is viewed as a passive act of being controlled. The 2002 definition places great focus on strength and weakness while the 1932 definition focuses more on willing meekness. It's no wonder then that the idea of submitting to God (never mind your husband!!) is something that terrifies most of us today. Language teaches us that by submitting we are being forced to put control of our lives in someone else's hands. Ironic really, considering it's an action word...

Now let me go back to why I gathered you all here to waste your time. Like many things that began before our generation was even a concept in the human mind, feminism has lost a lot of meaning. It has also gained a lot of unflattering meaning and many modern feminists think so what?! Let it be unflattering; it's not a pretty little dress and pigtails, it's not meant to be an easy pill to swallow. I suppose in many ways they are right. However, it does have the tendency to go from educational to outrageous all too quickly and so many women find themselves saying out loud, "I am not a feminist". They're claiming not to be something without even being sure what being that thing means!

For me, in the simplest of terms Feminism is Equality. I don't aim to overpower any man or live without men, I don't want to make up for years of their sexism by being sexist myself, I don't want the world to be split jaggedly in half. I want to be treated with respect and equality in all things. I remembered what feminism meant to me after a necessary conversation with a friend from work and it is reiterated every day on my twitter page when I see the handle @EverydaySexism. Honestly following this twitter account will change your life. And if you're curious about how it started?? Here you go http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBeNfSoMqjY Don't say I never do anything for you.

Thank you for following me on my little nerdy journey and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed haphazardly putting it together.