I don't know when it happened. I'm not sure what brought it on either. But there was a point in my life in England when going back to Nigeria was a source of great anxiety. It's a curious little thing really. I wasn't born in England and although I spent a significant portion of my life so far there I was, fundamentally speaking, brought up in Nigeria.
What I noticed fairly quickly was that this anxiety wasn't relegated to me or Nigeria. My friends from other African countries seemed to have the same problem. And you might be wondering where it came from. From our families! Parents, guardians, siblings, church folk all threatened us with the dreaded Africa. If you misbehave you're going back to Africa. You get bad grades we're shipping you off. Trying to act like these white kids? Back to the jungle you go!
There is something profoundly wrong with the idea that your home is a last resort or punishment for your children. You cannot instill that mind set into them from birth and then question why they refuse to return home when they come of age. Perhaps their threats were innocent. I can't say that I know for sure one way or the other. But as a race, black people are generally quite quick to point out when someone belittles them even we are just as good at degrading ourselves as anyone else.
My back-to-Nigeria anxieties didn't ease up until I moved to Dubai and visited home from here. Even though it was a fairly quiet affair, I was profoundly aware of a reawakening of senses. It actually felt good to be home! Surprisingly good. Yes NEPA still surprises you mid way through a meal by cutting the power. Yes the roads are still bad and the drivers are worse. Yes mosquitoes are still disfiguring my skin. Yes the politics, policies, work ethics and everything in between are questionable at best. But, somehow, it is still home isn't it? The food is still great, the people are still a crazy kind of joyful and there is no rain like the rain in the motherland. The fruit is fresh and the air is different and even when you're bored beyond recompense you find happiness and peace.
Perhaps I'm being a bit too unrealistic with my descriptions. My point is for all the criticism we Africans make against our home could we please take a minute to respect her struggle and uplift her? I don't think it's too much to ask.
What I noticed fairly quickly was that this anxiety wasn't relegated to me or Nigeria. My friends from other African countries seemed to have the same problem. And you might be wondering where it came from. From our families! Parents, guardians, siblings, church folk all threatened us with the dreaded Africa. If you misbehave you're going back to Africa. You get bad grades we're shipping you off. Trying to act like these white kids? Back to the jungle you go!
There is something profoundly wrong with the idea that your home is a last resort or punishment for your children. You cannot instill that mind set into them from birth and then question why they refuse to return home when they come of age. Perhaps their threats were innocent. I can't say that I know for sure one way or the other. But as a race, black people are generally quite quick to point out when someone belittles them even we are just as good at degrading ourselves as anyone else.
My back-to-Nigeria anxieties didn't ease up until I moved to Dubai and visited home from here. Even though it was a fairly quiet affair, I was profoundly aware of a reawakening of senses. It actually felt good to be home! Surprisingly good. Yes NEPA still surprises you mid way through a meal by cutting the power. Yes the roads are still bad and the drivers are worse. Yes mosquitoes are still disfiguring my skin. Yes the politics, policies, work ethics and everything in between are questionable at best. But, somehow, it is still home isn't it? The food is still great, the people are still a crazy kind of joyful and there is no rain like the rain in the motherland. The fruit is fresh and the air is different and even when you're bored beyond recompense you find happiness and peace.
Perhaps I'm being a bit too unrealistic with my descriptions. My point is for all the criticism we Africans make against our home could we please take a minute to respect her struggle and uplift her? I don't think it's too much to ask.
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