Quick I Must Let You Know!!

My life is about to get very busy and I might end up being MIA for a few...sooooo

• I got an internship at Mother, Baby and Child which is a parenting magazine here in Dubai. I start on Monday by God's grace. I'm supposed to help out with their first annual awards show that's coming up this May. 
• School starts really soon and I have quite a few deadlines I need to meet. Some of them aren't even for school work. Regardless I'm going to be working pretty hard over the next few days/weeks.
• In other news I've (rather randomly) decided to treat the new things I learn about my family less like dirty little secrets and more like historical facts of which I was previously unaware. I think it's less messy/emotionally scaring that way. I'm optimistic.
• I think that's because I find myself slowly but oh so surely returning to the role of the friend that always gives advice. A part of me has missed that a lot and another part worries that I may not be up to the task
• I'm also thinking about going somewhere in the summer though a part of me doubts that will work out, and maybe also Christmas-this I'm more positive about. Anyways wish me luck.
• Finally I'm pretty sure my wisdom tooth is growing in my cheek and I'm almost certain that is not the best place for it. But I'm told the dental here costs my weight in gold. What to do!!
• Finally I think I actually added a bit of weight since I got back from Nigeria!!! Score!!!!

Notice ME

My parents practically banned all forms of vernacular in our household to the best of my memory. Don't get me wrong, they encouraged us to indulge in our culture and speak our language but English first, because they aligned it to education. So in the end we could barely speak our mother tongues fluently and we were never allowed to speak Pidgin English, which is a kind of Creole common amongst western Africans.

Yet children often pick things up from school. One of these many linguistic strays I picked up would be the colloquial terms used by my peers to tease attention seekers. Notice me. Feelamonge. These two I remember fondly. They were one of those things that left you terribly hurt whenever you were on the receiving end of them, though you never really knew why. Even now, I think I would bite the head clean off anyone bold enough to accuse me of seeking attention. I remember the sting of choked tears at the back of my throat when someone I was quite fond of reminded me, with no shortage of nonchalance, that the world didn't in fact revolve around me.

Yet to some extent I know that I am. My blogging is proof. My social networking is proof. My interaction with friends and acquaintances is proof. So I begin to wonder: is it a sign of our times, a stigma on our generation? Are we cursed to constantly feel like we are incomplete, incompetent and therefore need to feed of off the attention we can scrape together from others, all the while feigning innocence and humility? Or is it just me? It's probably just me...but then again, I suppose it goes back to the cliche about no man being an island, because in all honesty, who amongst us can survive alone?

Random Compilation

I have a flu today, plus I have so much I need to sort out but in the spirit of sharing, here are a few of my private thoughts:

I get quieter when I'm thinking. Not in the sense of thinking while having a conversation, no. I'm practically a multitask-er when it comes to talking and thinking simultaneously. I mean more in the broad sense of having a lot on my mind and being in deep thought. I used to be quiet and shy but I've come out of my shell a lot and now I rarely shut up to the dismay of my nearest and dearest. And I'm sure the fact that I spew my jumbled thoughts out at lightning speed does nothing to ease their discomfort. But whenever I find myself in that state of mind where I become more reserved it is most likely a sign that I need to be alone with my thoughts somewhat. Not that I need to isolate myself like I used to when I was younger. Just more like I need to have some conversations within myself, find my balance. And I am definitely at that place now!

I'm letting people down by not being strong enough. I'm used to be the strong one wherever I am but recently life has been challenging, though in all honesty I am probably being hyperbolic about it all. So while I'm busy being selfish and whatever else, I feel like family and friends must be feeling let down by my absence. I should be there to help them and advice them but I'm falling short and that has to change.

I hope to God I know what I am doing. I'm making a decision to become more independent...or something along those lines. I am trying to take life into my own hands, more or less. It's hard but I am my father's daughter so it isn't impossible. I just hope to God I wont make any damaging mistakes that is all.

Stabbings in England

I know I don't live in England anymore but the truth is I still have a lot of ties there. England is home to me in many ways, not that this fact makes me less Nigerian. Yesterday I got some bad news. A close friend of mine got stabbed by another close friend. He had to go to the hospital for about three days and only just got out yesterday. At first I was so shocked that I could barely type. And then I was crying without realising and repeating 'oh no' to myself like that would make a difference! I mean these people mean a lot to me, they are practically family and in the unlikely case that I am making a least of the most likey to get stabbed out of all my friends, their names wouldn't come out at the top!

So I spent most of yesterday confused and afraid for a friend who very nearly lost his life and no longer feels safe in his own home. Reality slapped me harder than it has in a while and I realised how unprepared I was to lose a loved one. Also, it taught me forgiveness, because my friend is willing to forgive the person who did this to him and I know I wouldn't be that willing. I mean I'm a forgiving person but I also love my life, contrary to popular belief.

Anyhow in some ways this event is the wake up call I needed, to live life to the fullest but not necessarily to throw caution to the wind. I hope you all take this initiative as well; it's a lesson well learned.