A New Resolution

Happy new year guyzzzzzzz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now I don't know 'bout you but last year was pretty screwed up for me. I feel like I lived a mixed up life in the last quarter of the year as a direct reaction of all the mixed up things that happened to me before hand. So this year I am determined to be, happy no matter what...its only been six days but it hasn't been easy so far.

As has become customary in my family, every so often I discover some tasteless fact that shines some light on a lot of things about my past. They haven't disappointed. Though it isn't something I have discussed or plan to discuss with anyone soon, it is what it is and I am TRYING to deal with it.

Next is the sudden state of limbo I seem to have developed. I have always been indecisive and it seems it's about to have a great effect on my life...wish me luck.

Another thing is the fact that my heart needs to be bullet proof now apparently because people just love to walk all over it! ha-ha I don't even know what it is... I must just attract people who want me to hurt but...what's a girl to do? I don't even blame the guys any more. I quit thinking it's the guys I while back. I think, fundamentally I'm just a messed up person. period.

Finally is that I have decided to try my hardest to (call me crazy) get closer to God this year. If nothing else I need him in my life. He has never let me down before and I doubt he is 'bout to start now :) I hope not now.

So I realise I have been more than a little cryptic and vague in this blog but you're going to have to pardon me for that, because there is so much I want to say, and as much as I would LOVE to say it, I just cant.