Why do I do this to myself??

To be forewarned is to be forearmed and I was most definitely forewarned. But of course me being me I refused to listen. When it comes down to it I hurt more than anyone else involved. I need to stop trusting people so easily! I need to stop giving my heart away! I most definitely need to stop expecting other people to 'fix' me!

I had a dream that I remembered last night. I am thankful to say that this is becoming a regular occurrence. I think maybe I should take advantage of this and record what I remember in some format or the other?? Anyway in my dream there was an eclipse. I have never seen an eclipse in real life before but it looked gorgeous in my dream. Now I don't know all the scientific 'jargon' behind it, you know all the technical terms; however the moon was in front of the sun and it looked bigger than the sun at first. Not as big as a full moon in its prime, but bigger. But when it covered the sun there was a ring of light around it. I cant remember clearly but I think people were trying to get away from the darkness. But it was my first eclipse so I was mesmerised; I wanted to see it, to watch the slow creeping darkness. Then world truly went black. It was darker than a starless night during a power cut, and although there was a slight inclination of fear in me, I wasn't nearly as terrified as everyone else seemed.

What really got me though was I woke up this morning and barely thought about it. And when I did remember it felt more like a memory, simultaneously distant and recent, but not a dream. It most definitely didn't feel like a dream. Then as I decided to start typing this up I swear I remembered something in the Bible about an eclipse and it wasn't good...