Time is of the essence

Do you know what the problem with people is? We always miss the moments! Your crush tells you they are moving across the world and your answer is “OK!” when really you want to scream “No! Don’t go! Don’t you dare leave me in this limbo!” The love of your life takes a sudden interest in someone else, and for the sake of friendship or diplomacy or Christ only knows what else, you practically organise their wedding for them. The whole time you’re thinking “I love you more than mere words can express” I will love you till China and Africa meet. But we never say how we feel. And on the off chance that we do confess our hearts desires, we do it when it is all wrong, then we apologise profusely for our awful sense of timing. I think it’s because we’ve come to expect so little of the world. Timing is of no relevance to you if you believe the outcome to be inevitable.

It isn’t just about love either, it’s everything. Having the opportunity to do something profound with your life and passing up the chance because you think you’re unprepared or unworthy. Really, all you are is afraid. Afraid that if we venture into the unknown, we might not like who we’ve become when we have to leave. Sometimes it is ignoring an opportunity to say something life changing to someone, honestly answering a question that you’ve spent so much time lying about, it has become second nature. We have all told that lie, when someone asks “How are you?” and you say “I’m fine!” with pride, joy and a beaming smile. But underneath it all you are far from fine. Of course I’m not asking us to hold our heart out on a platter every time someone offers a simple greeting. That would be slightly awkward. But there are times, you have to admit, when you just need to honestly answer: “I’m not fine, in fact I’m awful. My day has been horrible, my week even worse and if I have to smile and play happy families one more time I might actually pull my teeth out with pliers.”

It’s outrageous and scary, almost humorous even. But it is oh so liberating at the same time! The truth is we are all guilty of letting the important moments slip through the hourglass.  

Here, too dark. How you can study?

My mind admittedly works in a strange fashion. I make connections in my head where normal people probably wouldn’t.

I was sitting outside one night with my pen and my book in my hands, when a security guard at my accommodation at the time asked me a question that made more sense than anything else at that moment.

“Here, too dark,” he began. “How you can study?”

I smiled sheepishly at first, confused because I had no answer for a seemingly simple question. Fortunately he required none because he left as soon as he finished speaking. Then I did something I think I should do more often. I closed the book and dropped it on the table next to the pen. I couldn’t see clearly, so I just stopped. I wasn’t giving up; I just wasn’t being my usual stubborn self. I let go, temporarily of course, because I realised that when you are left in the dark, no matter what else you know there can be no real achievement of clarity; you only know half the story after all.

So you have two options:

·         Move into the light; discover the truth.

·         Stay in the dark and let go [until you are ready or able to try the former, of course].

Victory Cry (Prod. by Mista Caddy) - Embassy Crew

This is a song my friends in Dubai just released...what do u guys think?? If you like it, please share it :)
Click here to view and enjoy :)

Notice ME

My parents practically banned all forms of vernacular in our household to the best of my memory. Don't get me wrong, they encouraged us to indulge in our culture and speak our language but English first, because they aligned it to education. So in the end we could barely speak our mother tongues fluently and we were never allowed to speak Pidgin English, which is a kind of Creole common amongst western Africans.

Yet children often pick things up from school. One of these many linguistic strays I picked up would be the colloquial terms used by my peers to tease attention seekers. Notice me. Feelamonge. These two I remember fondly. They were one of those things that left you terribly hurt whenever you were on the receiving end of them, though you never really knew why. Even now, I think I would bite the head clean off anyone bold enough to accuse me of seeking attention. I remember the sting of choked tears at the back of my throat when someone I was quite fond of reminded me, with no shortage of nonchalance, that the world didn't in fact revolve around me.

Yet to some extent I know that I am. My blogging is proof. My social networking is proof. My interaction with friends and acquaintances is proof. So I begin to wonder: is it a sign of our times, a stigma on our generation? Are we cursed to constantly feel like we are incomplete, incompetent and therefore need to feed of off the attention we can scrape together from others, all the while feigning innocence and humility? Or is it just me? It's probably just me...but then again, I suppose it goes back to the cliche about no man being an island, because in all honesty, who amongst us can survive alone?

Random Compilation

I have a flu today, plus I have so much I need to sort out but in the spirit of sharing, here are a few of my private thoughts:

I get quieter when I'm thinking. Not in the sense of thinking while having a conversation, no. I'm practically a multitask-er when it comes to talking and thinking simultaneously. I mean more in the broad sense of having a lot on my mind and being in deep thought. I used to be quiet and shy but I've come out of my shell a lot and now I rarely shut up to the dismay of my nearest and dearest. And I'm sure the fact that I spew my jumbled thoughts out at lightning speed does nothing to ease their discomfort. But whenever I find myself in that state of mind where I become more reserved it is most likely a sign that I need to be alone with my thoughts somewhat. Not that I need to isolate myself like I used to when I was younger. Just more like I need to have some conversations within myself, find my balance. And I am definitely at that place now!

I'm letting people down by not being strong enough. I'm used to be the strong one wherever I am but recently life has been challenging, though in all honesty I am probably being hyperbolic about it all. So while I'm busy being selfish and whatever else, I feel like family and friends must be feeling let down by my absence. I should be there to help them and advice them but I'm falling short and that has to change.

I hope to God I know what I am doing. I'm making a decision to become more independent...or something along those lines. I am trying to take life into my own hands, more or less. It's hard but I am my father's daughter so it isn't impossible. I just hope to God I wont make any damaging mistakes that is all.

The Fray - Be Still (Scars And Stories)

Criminal Minds brings awesome quotes and beautiful music

He's Gone to Hong Kong

I love to easily and fall too hard...that's always been my problem!

I suppose I should start by informing you that there is a he...a pretty amazing he if you ask me; what do I know?? I'm biased!
Anyway he exists and he is a beautiful mind, with amazing insight on everything. Now as a sapiosexual find his mind to be one of the most attractive things since Samuel Johnson's dictionary.
We've been dating for a while and I think it's definitely a good sign that I have taken things surprisingly slow with him. It could have been slower, no doubt. But this is the slower I have ever gone and I commend myself if no one else will.
Unfortunately, or fortunately as you choose to look at it, he is in Hong Kong for the week. Alongside a team of three other apparent brainiacs, he plans to dazzle a roomful of people and I'll miss it...and I'll miss him more than I actually thought I would in all honesty. I already checked and found that he will get there at 2 am my time and 6 am HK time...
Well that's it. Just needed to share that with my keyboard.

Au revoir 

My Loves